every de niro film ever made

What Just Happened

2010-05-19T03:49:00.000-07:00

What just happened? No really, 'what just happened?' is what I thought right after this film. This whole movie was about getting Bruce Willis to shave his beard and also, trying to get a dog being shot in the head cut out of a film. The first is successful, the second is not. In between, the guy from The Devil Wears Prada is sleeping with De Niro's ex-wife The Princess Bride and he is not happy about it.

I didn't like the fancy art school flickering scene changes they tried to do either. "Sharpest comedy in ages." More like dullest film I fell asleep to on my laptop twice. Yeah. I don't know why so many big names agreed to do this film with such a weak script. Maybe I just have bad taste in movies.

Novecento (1900)

2009-05-04T11:27:00.000-07:00

Not even De Niro and Depardieu's double handjob, followed by a epileptic seizure from the whore that was servicing them, could save this stinker.

This movie was five hours long. Five hours.

I don't know why they dubbed parts in English when they could've just put the subtitles in. I didn't feel any empathy towards the characters - there were just too many of them. Maybe you have to be in the right mood for an epic like this, but I sure wasn't.

Boring. Boring. But I know you're curious.

Bang the Drum Slowly

2009-04-07T06:10:00.000-07:00

In the book, "Al Pacino: In Conversation with Lawrence Grobel," it says that "Bang the Drum Slowly" is Pacino's favourite movie. I am sure he was joking because this couldn't be anyone's favourite movie.

De Niro plays a terminally ill baseball player, who tries to conceal his illness from his team through elaborate lying - aided by his best friend and team mate, Moriarty.

First, the whole baseball team is really mean to De Niro. Two guys ask De Niro for his height and when he responds, they tell him that they didn't know piles of shit were made that high.

There's a part where De Niro is reading some sort of book and Moriarty says, "What are you reading?" Then De Niro says, "You wouldn't believe it, but about a woman falling in love with Dracula."

The way I'm suddenly changing topics is as abrupt as that scene was cut. Also, I'm not sure if I really cared that De Niro was dying. At worst, he was a man with overactive sweat glands and a slight limp.

New York, New York

2009-04-02T18:32:00.000-07:00

If you thought DeNiro would never do a musical, you are wrong. This underrated Scorsese gem stars a young Liza Minelli (also known to Arrested Development fans as Lucille Austero) singing and dancing her way through life. DeNiro is a saxophone player who has just come home from the war. They fall in love and have a tumultuous Ike and Tina style relationship. This film features Minelli's 'New York, New York' which Frank Sinatra later made famous. I recommend not to watch the director's commentary for this film - instead of Scorsese, it's an unidentified female's voice who sounds like a robot reading cue cards and not saying anything particularly important either.

The Last Tycoon

2009-03-11T16:20:00.000-07:00

This movie, based on the novel by F. Scott Fitzgerald was pretty great, but I just couldn't get into Ingrid Boulting's face. It was just wider than it was tall, kind of like Hey Arnold, but beautiful in a model sort of way. Anyway, I preferred Theresa Russell's character even though De Niro was so into Boulting because she was a dead ringer for his dead wife - creepy.

Anyway, I really wanted De Niro to get into Cecilia - I mean, look how cute she was: But it doesn't really happen. There is, however, a great scene between De Niro and Jack Nicholson...their only film scene together (ever!) involving De Niro taking a punch in the face.

De Niro is on top of his game in this film - delivering monologues that could've gone horribly wrong if played by any other actor.

Falling in Love

2009-03-11T15:32:00.000-07:00

Today I lost my phone, so decided I needed to indulge myself in a cliched romance film. Everything about this movie was a cliche - apart from the fact that the blossoming romance is between two people who are already married, but not to each other. De Niro is married to Malcolm in the Middle's mom:

I usually hate movies involving cheating, and never root for cheaters, but what can I say, my love for Bobby and Meryl runs deep.

De Niro is looking pretty dapper in this film, and Meryl is stunning as always, but with an awful eighties haircut that looks like a feathered mullet.

If only life happened this way: meeting on a train by accident, literally bumping into each other causing the contents shopping bags to disperse to the floor, only to realize at home that you accidentally acquired his/her purchase by mistake. Accidentally meeting on a train again, then accidentally meeting at the book store where the contents of your bags flew out. Culminating in an accidental train meeting again (again); this time, with the both of you ready to commit your love. Sounds like my cringeworthy high school harmless-stalker days, minus the "accidental" and a restraining order in place of the happy ending. Only kidding.

Movie Icons: De Niro

2009-03-04T10:46:00.001-08:00

Okay, so this isn't a movie. But this book is really good. It features De Niro's complete filmography, and is chock full of pictures. And at just £5.99, it's a steal!

Brazil

2009-03-02T17:25:00.000-08:00

This movie featured De Niro for about five minutes as an outlaw handyman that fixes the main guy's air conditioning. I don't know how much i liked this movie - actually not very much - but it was mostly because I really hated the main guy, Sam. He just didn't seem likeable, and i didn't really care that much that he was going to be tortured, which I probably should've. He was so wishy washy and irritating. Daniel didn't care for the 'love interest' in this movie because apparently girls in dungarees with lesbian haircuts don't do it for him.

One reviewer says the movie is "beautifully realised, often hilarious and utterly horrifying, not least because it has turned out to be so prophetic," but I'd have to disagree. This is your typical sci-fi dystopian plot, a bureaucratic society gone wrong. It did look nice though. The one thing i kept wondering during the movie was, 'is that Mona from 'Who's the boss?'' and it was.

2009-02-01T06:43:00.000-08:00

On temporary hiatus until Feb 23. (major project due!)

Stardust - guest review by chris and dan

2009-01-18T14:12:00.000-08:00

We didnt care for this film, the special effects looked like 2003 Doctor Who and the locations and everything was too fake except for the people, who were a handsomely assembled cast. This was the film's only strength. Deniro pulled through by acting gay and funny. It was like walking in on your dad snogging the mirror and murmuring the name of his closest colleague, funny but uncomfortable. Adam Buxton looked funny with long hair and a wispy beard though, we like him.

If the De Niro bits were compiled together into a short film it would be a lot better than this film. "Have you ever tried to get blood stains out of a silk shirt? HELLOOOO?" This was a good.

Thanks.

Raging Bull

2009-01-17T09:36:00.000-08:00

This film was okay, I was expecting better. Maybe it was because Jake LaMotta seemed to have no redeeming qualities about him, but I guess that was the point. De Niro's performance of a paranoid wife beating cheat was top notch.

This movie shows the first pairing of De Niro with Joe Pesci, which is always great to watch. Pesci is pretty underrated if you ask me. When you start typing "Joe Pes" into your google search bar, the first name that shows up on auto-fill is someone called "Joe Pass." He is one of the few actors with the ability to be funny and absolutely terrifying. I know I wouldn't want to give him a baseball bat.

The part of the movie that made you want to punch LaMotta in the face the most was when he accused Vicki of cheating on him with his brother. He basically punches her into unconsciousness.

Cathy Moriarty was beautiful in this, but Vicki was supposed to be 14 when she met LaMotta, and I don't know many 14-year-olds that look like that.

Analyze This

2009-01-16T17:30:00.001-08:00

Good Morning America says that "Analyze That is even funnier than Analyze This." I sure hope so, because this really wasn't funny.

De Niro has this strange crying scene where you can't really tell if he's actually crying or if it's supposed be a joke.

Check out the ludicrously placed Lisa Kudrow credit. It's even worse for Analyze That.

Sleepers

2009-01-16T14:52:00.001-08:00

This movie made me want to punch Kevin Bacon in the face. It wasn't actually very good, and I don't really know any priests like Father Bobby either. I do know one that doesn't mind a drink or two at family parties, and is known to sing songs to my embarrassed younger cousin going for second rounds at the buffet table. I also drew a portrait of a priest once - he seemed friendly enough - but he was no Father Bobby.

I think you must be pretty unlucky to kill someone with a hot dog cart. It's probably worse luck for the person who actually dies by being crushed by one. For me, the best part was when Father Bobby had to testify for the men that killed pedophile rapist, Kevin Bacon.

It was also pretty satisfying to see Kevin Bacon die in the restaurant, but then we find out Tommy and John return to their lives of murderous crime, so it's not clean-cut sweet justified revenge, as I like it served.

Also, why is Minnie Driver's character in love with everyone?

Taxi Driver

2009-01-16T13:47:00.000-08:00

I'll start with everybody's favourite, Taxi Driver, because so far, it's my favourite too. You may think I like it because I secretly share Travis' extreme morals of twisted justice and you may be right.

But only half right. While some people believe the ending didn't really happen, that it's just a fantasy of what was in Travis' head - I like to believe they are completely wrong. Killing pimps and saving a child prostitutes: a hero in my eyes.

De Niro's performance is spot on. Is he crazy? A murderer? Or just a lonely guy looking for human connection? I think he successfully portrays all of the above, depending on who you ask.

Me? I would probably date Travis Bickle, I mean, he's a pretty stand up guy apart from the trying to kill Senator Palantine thing, and possibly the taking Betsy to the porno theatre thing. But this is coming from the girl who plans to watch every single De Niro film ever made - not exactly the most unbiased opinion out there.

But don't worry, this isn't some sort of hero worship blog. Some of his movies were pretty crap (Yes you, Righteous Kill, the biggest letdown of all time) and I am prepared to give you my two cents - however nonsensical it may be.